Some strangers sit at the bar.
One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy asks, "What's that?"
The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK."
A lady asks, "What's that?"
He says, "Double Income, No Kids."
The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry asks, "A WIFE?"
Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
My best friend ran away with my wife.
It's only been three days and I really miss him.
Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems:
"Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger - why is that?
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
"And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?"
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises."
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."
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"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine.
He will be my squishy."
"Let go of my boob."
Q: Why does California have so many destructive earthquakes and Alabama has black people?
A: California got first pick.
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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along.
‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says.
‘What time did you pull out this morning?’
‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy.
‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
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