Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
"Hi! My name is Gertrude," said the lady next to him on the plane. "It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable. Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice 'Hi Grandma!' It just gets me all teary eyed." After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much. "You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! Tell me.. what do you think about my Grandson!"
Chuck Norris jumped the grand canyon...longways
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
Yo mama is so skinny... she hula hoops with a cheerio.
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
Q: Why doesn't the skeleton go to the party? A: Because it had no body to go with no body get it.
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.