A guy went to an electric shop and said: "By a lot of excuse, do you mind me to buy a lamp please?"
A manager said: "It isn't necessarily so much apologizes for buying a lamp."
The guy said: "Sorry I wanted for installing it in WC."
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball?
Under the Hoop
Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar?
They are both stuck up cunts.
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Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
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Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
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Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
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When Chuck Norris visits Egypt, the sand didn't burn his feet, his feet burnt the sand, hence the discovery of glass.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
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