For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
Yo momma’s so ugly, her pillows cry at night.
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child.
Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.
Q: What goes "oom... oom"?
A: A cow walking backward!
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen.
Twice.
Yo mama so fat when she went to bruger king the bruger was running as fast as they can.
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia.
When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”
The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now.
They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”