Yo Momma's house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.
There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A: A dino-snore!
What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.