What animals do you bring to bed?
Your calves.
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get?
"Beeflt!"
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
A length of rope walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!"
The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together.
Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.
He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?"
And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen.
Twice.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.