What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
Hiroshima nagasaki was nothing but the result of chuck norris skydiving in Japan.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? A: Doyouthinkysaraus.