Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been three days and I really miss him.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Black man says to siri: "Take me home" Siri replies: "Taking you the quickest route to jail."
Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along. ‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says. ‘What time did you pull out this morning?’ ‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy. ‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
Q: What is a snake's favorite subject in school? A: Hissssstory.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: She liked kids...
If you click on start, run, then type in Chuck Norris you will get a permanent blue screen of death.