Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
A 65 year old blonde has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Yo momma's so fat... They mistake her for a country.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.