A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
Chuck Norris knows the secret of the Caramilk
Q: What do you call a fat black man laying down? A: KitKat Chunky.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit? The first herd shot round the world.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.