Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
Yo mama is so stupid, she did her dad last night.
What do you call a computer that takes 15 minutes to start, freezes if you try to do more than one thing at a time, crashes regularly and causes you to swear under your breath throughout the day? Cutting edge.
Your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.
Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? A: Must be an earthquake.
The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A: A shadow.
‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.