Q: Why does California have so many destructive earthquakes and Alabama has black people?
A: California got first pick.
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Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
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Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands.
The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!"
"I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."
The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is."
"Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!"
"Oh no," says the woman.
"I'm a widow."
Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along.
‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says.
‘What time did you pull out this morning?’
‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy.
‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf... In 17 shots.
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Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
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