Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands.
The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!"
"I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."
The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is."
"Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!"
"Oh no," says the woman.
"I'm a widow."
Someone asked Chuck Norris to climb Mount Everest.
After his 10th endeavor, he wrote a book.
"Ten Different Ways to Climb Mount Everest"
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Chuck Norris uses black holes to clean his dishes.
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Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf... In 17 shots.
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Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
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If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris.
The answer is always Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
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A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband.
It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."
He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."