While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did. I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said; "See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them." I replied, "Yes." "Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
Yo mama is so ugly the mirror did not make an reflection.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.