Best jokes ever

Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems: "Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger - why is that? "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." "And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?" "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises." "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."

"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine. He will be my squishy." "Let go of my boob."

Q: Why does California have so many destructive earthquakes and Alabama has black people? A: California got first pick.

Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."

Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along. ‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says. ‘What time did you pull out this morning?’ ‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy. ‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Someone asked Chuck Norris to climb Mount Everest. After his 10th endeavor, he wrote a book. "Ten Different Ways to Climb Mount Everest"

Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.