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Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall? A: Captain's log.
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Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
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Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
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Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
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I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
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Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
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A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
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