In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus and the jeep.
For every victim of a Chuck Norris round house kick, there is a star. As you can see, there are a lot.
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: She liked kids...
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
Pull on a coworker is to press ctrl+print screen on their workstation, then paste it into Paint, save the pic, and set it as the desktop background. Move all of their icons to the trash. When they get back to their desk, clicking won't accomplish anything!
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.