The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
Yo mama so fat when she went rolling down a hill no one could pick her up.
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV” “No” “Why not?” “Because your a blonde.” So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?” “No” “Why not?” “Your a blonde.” So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?” “No” “Why not?” “You’re a blonde” “How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!” “Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row. The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.