Yo mama is so old that she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? A: Gimme a slug of whiskey.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
Misers are lousy to live with, but they make great ancestors.
After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.
Q: What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe? A: An e-mergency.
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Chuck Norris was an only child. Eventually.
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I’m here for a urine test."