Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.
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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
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A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’
Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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Chuck Norris does not play computer games, he makes games play computer!
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Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"