Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf... In 17 shots.
Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."
Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
Chuck Norris uses black holes to clean his dishes.
Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.