How do Chinese people name their kids?
Throw a spoon down the stairs.
CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
What do you call it when someone farts in a Gay Bar?
Mating call
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man?
Batman can go to the store without robin.
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Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
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Roses are red
violets are blue.
I hate poems
even more than I hate you.
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."
Chuck Norris can buy priceless moments. At a discount price.
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