The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A: She was lacking vitamin D.