I met a sista once who told me she could tell how good a brotha is in bed simply by the way he opens the door to his apartment. So, I asked her how. She said if that brotha fumbles with the keys, that means he doesn't know what he's doing. If he opens the door too quick, means he's too fast and he's a total waste of time. But if that brotha opens the door with a smooth, controlled movement, that means he's real good in bed. Then she asked me how I open the door to my apartment. I told her, "Honey, I lick the lock first."
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
Q: How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle? A: 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.
In America, Chuck Norris finds you But in Soviet Russia, you find Chuck Norris.
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
No time for gym? Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
Q: What is a sheep's favorite sport? A: Baaasket baaall!