Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall? A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Q: How do you eat a frog? A: You put one leg behind each ear.
Chuck Norris is the reason why there's only one airbender left.
A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
When Chuck Norris works out, he doesn't sweat. His body cries.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand. "All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"