Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Air Force Approach: "Eagle 13, turn right to 330." Eagle 13: "Roger 330." App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, Will you do me a favor?" Eagle 13: "Affirmative. Go ahead." App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow roof near the lake. That is my house. I had a fight with my Wife, and I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?" Eagle 13: "Negative sir. Instead I can see a Ryder's truck."
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke. The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom. Man says, "WTF?" Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.