Whenever Chuck Norris rolls a 6 sided dice, he always rolls a 7.
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Chuck Norris could catch that damn acorn in those ICE AGE movies!
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4-year-old: Why are you my dad?
Me: Because I made you.
4: How?
Me: ...
4: O.o
Me: ...
4: O.O
Me: With Legos.
If you click on start, run, then type in Chuck Norris you will get a permanent blue screen of death.
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Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
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Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
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Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
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Karma believes in Chuck Norris.
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The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave.
"No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."