What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer. At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?" Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage. "Well," his friend says, "you can always have an affair." "I can't do that! I will always be faithful to her." the troubled man replies. "If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won't be cheating." The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement. "Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it."
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen