Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight.
They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves.
“Daddy, were you in a war?”
“Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be.
Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.
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Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
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We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows...
You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Q: What are a couple of gay Mexicans called?
A: Juan on Juan.
For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night.
She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.
He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out."
"Well, what do you think today?"
He says, "I think I did a good job."
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
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What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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