If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.
If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
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‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Yo momma’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the ‘11’ button in ‘9-1-1’.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.
A neutron walks into the hotel bar and asks "how much for a beer?"
The bartender says, "for you? no charge."