Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
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‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Yo momma’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the ‘11’ button in ‘9-1-1’.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room...
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving.
While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can and will be held against you."
"Boobs" the drunk replied.