Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Yo momma so fat she thought planet earth was her stomach.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek? A: Marco Polo.
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum. Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?" To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips." Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?" "No, but it stops me from licking them!"
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.