Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Vote:
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Yo momma’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the ‘11’ button in ‘9-1-1’.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Vote:
A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.