Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.
I know when god becomes angry. When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Q: What is a snake's favorite subject in school? A: Hissssstory.
When Chuck Norris breaks the speed limit, no one can put it back together again.
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.
Chuck Norris can play a whole note in 3/4 time.
Chuck Norris once separated his powers into five people, they are now called The Avengers.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.