You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Don't ride the kiddie merrygo round when you are drunk, so get off.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.
If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
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What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
Some people have alter egos.
Chuck Norris has no such thing.
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