James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Vote:
A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that be a "missionary position?"
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room...
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving.
While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can and will be held against you."
"Boobs" the drunk replied.
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Don't ride the kiddie merrygo round when you are drunk, so get off.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.
If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Vote:
What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.