Why do black people lean to the center of their car?
"They think the smell is coming from the outside."
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Old mathematicians never die - they just lose some of their functions.
Why do so many gays have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes.
Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes.
Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony.
The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight."
"There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin."
Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter."
"That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
Q: Whats the difference between a black person and an apple?
A: The apple falls from the tree.
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears.
What am I?
Ugly!
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen?
A: A submarine.
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car.
When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
He said "It's O.J. again. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire!
We are going car to car collecting donations."
"Donations!" I said, "How much you got so far?"
He said "about ten gallons."
Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone.