Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions. 
Your nails are so long when you come around the corner the police arrested you for dangerous weapons.
Chuck Norris can flush a port-a-potty.
Vote:
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood.
Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
Q: Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
A: Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
Vote:
What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.