Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!
Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated." What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?" "Nowhere", the first drunk replied. "And where do you live?", he asks the other. "We're neighbours."
Two blonds were driving to Disneyland. The sing said: Disneyland Left. So they started crying and headed home.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
Why did Tom come home drunk and leave his clothes on the floor? He was in them.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.