Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
There were two blonds on their way to Disney World. When they were getting close there was a sign that read, “DISNEY WORLD LEFT,” So they turned around and went home.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.