What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body?
My dick.
Vote:
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
Vote:
Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
Vote:
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up.
He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says.
"It all happened so fast."
Q: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A: A teacher.
Vote:
Yo mamas teeth are so yellow she helped Dorothy get to the emerald city.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
Three guys talk in a bar.
Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them.
The third guy remains quiet.
Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?"
The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
"What happened then?" they ask.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”