A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
You momma's teeth are so nasty the b*tch spits yoohoo.
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people stealing it.
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Q: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A: A teacher.
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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up.
He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says.
"It all happened so fast."
What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body?
My dick.
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Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
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I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
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The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had.
Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel.
As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything."
The girl only nodded and smiled.
As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race?
A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
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