This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane? A dandy lion.
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.
If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?