Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
Yo mamas teeth are so yellow she helped Dorothy get to the emerald city.
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte!
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
Vote:
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
Vote:
We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there.
It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.