Chuck Norris can stab a knife with a man.
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Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it.
Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
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Chuck Norris never needs help, help needs Chuck Norris.
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If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
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Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.
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All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
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Chuck norris sneezes bullets at people.
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Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.
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