Q: What do you call a group of 8 hobbits
A: Hobbyte.
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself?
The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!"
2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened?
I shot myself into my knee.
Do you work at a cattery?
Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says "I'm probably too honest."
The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality."
The man replies, "I don't give a shttp://unijokes.com/admin/h*t what you think!"
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
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What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris?
His foot.
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Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
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When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
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There are no comets.
Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
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