Best jokes ever

"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
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More jokes about: football, game, sport
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain. One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police. The police picked up the phone, and said hello. Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody." Police: "Sorry!" Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody" Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?" Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody" Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?" Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
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More jokes about: communication, cop, family, phone, stupid
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, mechanic
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time. In a flash it’s over. The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’ His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
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More jokes about: sex
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
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More jokes about: beauty
Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? A: "May I push in your stool?"
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More jokes about: bar, gay
Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.." Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
Vote: has 49.23 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, love
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Vote: has 49.20 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
Vote: has 49.12 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, jewish, sex