Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
Chuck Norris does not understand any phrase that begins with "if at first you don't succeed."
Do you know Chuck Norris? Yes? Then he shall allow you to live... for now.
A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
When Chuck Norris has your back you aren't likely to get it back again.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
Chuck Norris has a Gmail ID.. it is firstname.lastname@example.org