Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.
An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye." "I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?" "I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? A: So you don't poke your eye out.
Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
Girl: why am I still single? Brain: you're weird as shit. Body: and you're fat. Face: plus you're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.
America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? A: Pastor Bedtime.
Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?” Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?" So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety. Saved my life." The bartender says. "Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?" The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized. This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life." The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?" The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life." And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig. He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?" The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."