Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
Chuck Norris can get a strike in bowling using a ping-pong ball.
Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.
"Let bygones be bygones" is always subject to Chuck Norris' approval.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.