A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Chuck Norris is under contract with Zales and DeBeer not to eat coal.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis." The blond yelled at the doctor... "A cute appendicitis! I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?" "Yeah, for sure..." "And then... What are you waiting for...?"
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shirt mate?" The man replies, "David Jones." This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes "Where'd you get the great pants mate?" The man replies, " David Jones." This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on. The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shoes and socks mate?" The man replies, "David Jones." Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the bartender goes, "Look Who the hell are you mate?" And the naked guy says, "I'm David Jones!"
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
My mama would whip my butt so bad in the grocery store, they would announce it on the speakers.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?