Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.
Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
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Chuck Norris got swept over Niagara Falls...
He liked it so much, he swam back up and did it again.
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Yo mama so fat that when god said let there be light.
When god saw her he said let there be darkness.
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.
And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10".
The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
I fell in love with my wife at second sight.
The first time I didn’t know she had money.
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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Q: How do you piss off a white person?
A: Call him a racist.
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This eighty year old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary and the wife says to her husband, " Honey lets get stark naked and sit at the dinning table and eat our dinner!"
As they sat at the dinning table the wife says, "Honey I am beginning to get very hot and very aroused!"
The husband says, " That is because you have your tits in the soup!"
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