Q: What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
A: He braces himself.
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Chuck Norris holding a flashlight.
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What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
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Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants.
Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
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How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there.
It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment.
The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat."
He smiled. "Done."
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