Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What did the cow wear to the football game? A Jersey.
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare.
What do you call an easy-going rabbit? Hoppy-go-lucky.
Q: How do you know if you have a asian neighbour? A: They have been reported in over 10 car accidents on the news, their car has scratches, their on P's and they park one car on their driveway which is meant for to cars, and they park their second car in front of your house.