Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants.
Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
Not even Houdini can escape from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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When Chuck Norris laughs he busts your gut.
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How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there.
It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment.
The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat."
He smiled. "Done."
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Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality