Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so. He remind him of Trivette...
Q: What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night naked at the balcony? A: The blond girl told him to come outside
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help. Helium doesn't react.