Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment.
The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat."
He smiled. "Done."
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Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
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Why don’t some teachers like to break wind in public?
Because they’re private tooters.
A couple come across a wishing well.
The husband leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny.
The wife makes a wish too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns.
The husband says, ‘Wow!
It really works!’
Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.