Best jokes ever

Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report." Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Vote: has 46.90 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dinosaur
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
Did you hear about the gay French General? He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, military
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 46.78 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Vote: has 46.76 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
Vote: has 46.76 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, black people, death
Why did the little Greek boy run away from home? He didn't like the way he was being reared.
Vote: has 46.74 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay