Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
Your momma so fat... Her blood type is Ragu.
Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
What do you call 35,000 men with their hands up? "Iraqi Army."