"Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P? "It's running down my leg."
Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly... On a broomstick. We're flexible like that.
In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.