Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.