Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
Q: Do you know what a Mexican motorcycle sounds like? A: Cavrone puta puta puta.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use such FOWL language.
What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris? His foot.