Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street.
He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish."
The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka."
When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses.
She asks what they'll be drinking.
He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her.
It was the best vodka they'd ever had.
The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass.
She asks, "Why only one glass?"
"Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."
One day a mom and her son went to the zoo.
There they saw two monkeys having sex.
The son asked "What are they doing?".
The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said.
Later that night he saw there mom doing it.
In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"
Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra?
A: Oooh - Henry!
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
A blonde decides to join the military thinking she can meet a few guys.
What is wrong with this joke?
1. This isn't a joke
2. The blonde is thinking
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
Vote:
How many Mexicans does it take to knock out paquiao?
Only Juan.