Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Why was the math textbook so sad? He had a lot of problems!
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Some people have alter egos. Chuck Norris has no such thing.
Why did god make beer? So the Irish would not take over the world.
Chuck Norris' jokes don't have punchlines. They have footprints.
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Don't ride the kiddie merrygo round when you are drunk, so get off.
Why was the lion-tamer fined? He parked on a yellow lion.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.