Best jokes ever

I married my wife for her money. And believe me, I’ve earned it.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town. What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, game, life
There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days. "Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day." So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?" She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beauty, husband, women
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: kids, tax
Q: Where do cowboys cook their meals? A: On the range.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, food
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
Chuck Norris doesn't do cocaine. Cocaine does Chuck Norris.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 52.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
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