Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?
A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Chuck Norris doesn't do cocaine.
Cocaine does Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea.
Until it met Chuck Norris.
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
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Chuck Norris can switch his motorcycle to four-wheel drive.
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2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world.
The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
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Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
Bruce Wayne first tried wearing a Chuck Norris mask to inspire fear, until he saw himself in the mirror.
He immediately changed to the Batman
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