Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ?
He had to work it out with a pencil...
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.
Vote:
A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub.
The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
A police officer pulled a car over and arrested the driver for stealing the car.
When he questioned the driver why he stold the car, the driver explained, "It was parked outside a cemetery and I thought the owner was dead!"
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker.
The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one.
Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?
Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way.
My dad left it to me in his will.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor.
‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer.
‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’