Chuck Norris can access the internet from a walkie talkie.
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Chuck Norris caught all the 493 Pokemon...
With the Yellow version.
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Chuck Norris knows who A is.
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A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ?
He had to work it out with a pencil...
What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt?
"Help I'm not break dancing"
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Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.
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Chuck Norris acting contracts are if the movie producer want Chuck Norris to act in his movie, the producer is roundhouse kicked.
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Yo Mommas SO POOR I SEE HER KICKING A CAN DOWN THE ROAD, I SAID "WHAT YAR DOING " SHE SAID "MOVING"!