A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser. ‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman. ‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. ‘One thing about Jim,’ his buddy said to the bartender. ‘He knows when to stop.’
Where does an Irish family go on holiday? A different bar.
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Yo' Mama is like ass hair: totally useless and full of sh*t.