What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the last names."
Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. ‘One thing about Jim,’ his buddy said to the bartender. ‘He knows when to stop.’
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.