Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
What's a rabbits favorite TV show? Hoppy Days.
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers.