The best animal jokes

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
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has 43.39 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Teacher: Give me an example of animal. Jimmy: Frog Teacher: Give me another. Jimmy: Another Frog.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? (A drizzly bear!)
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, Yo mama
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, music
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs? A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
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has 42.75 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist
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