The best animal jokes

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Vote: has 37.97 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
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More jokes about: animal, food, Thanksgiving
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, kids
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
Vote: has 37.20 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, lesbian
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
Vote: has 36.23 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, relationship
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fish, men
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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More jokes about: animal