What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
What’s the difference between goats and women??
Goats are always horney.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him.
One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned.
"Finally, some company!" he thought.
While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
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Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.