An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose. 
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
Vote:
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk.
The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"