What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What’s the difference between goats and women??
Goats are always horney.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other"
I wonder what hamburgers are made of?"
The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up.