What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking: Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one. What did you do? Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!" "There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time. My fee, of course, will be $1,500." Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"