Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach. Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff." So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away. Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away. Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad? A: Dady issues!
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.