The best animal jokes

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: age, animal
Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking: Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one. What did you do? Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound. He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?" The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
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has 40.80 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back? A: To keep its nuts dry
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has 40.61 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
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