How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa? A cowch potato.
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse.
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!