The best animal jokes

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal
A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer. "And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer. "That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer. "And 40 bulls," added the farmer. The other farmer replied, "Boy! That IS a lot of bull."
Vote:
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.
Vote:
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, war
When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.
Vote:
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Vote:
has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
Vote:
has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
Vote:
has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<127128129130
More jokes →
Page 127 of 152.