The best animal jokes

A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
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