Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
What do ducks wear to party's? A duck-sedo!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What is a Zebra? A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''