The best animal jokes

How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
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Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
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A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
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What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible!
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Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
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What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, geography, holiday


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