Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!" "There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time. My fee, of course, will be $1,500." Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"