The best animal jokes

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, men
Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, kids
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, time
What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
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