The best animal jokes

On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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What do you call fish poop? BassTurds!
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
Vote: has 24.44 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, men
Why did the dinosaur have so few friends? Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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I love my cat. My cat does not care.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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