Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.