What does a frog say when it sees something' great?
Toadly awesome!
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A:To stamp out fires.
Q:Why do elephants have flat feet?
A:To stamp out burning ducks
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped again.
He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around.
In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."