What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.
What's green with red spots? A frog with the chicken pox!
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Q. How does a frog confuse you? A. When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
Q:Why did the cow cross the road? A:To go to the moo-vies.
What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker? A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.