How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" " The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? A: "Cheap, cheap!"
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!