I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Q:Why did the cow cross the road? A:To go to the moo-vies.
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!