Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called? A: A copycat!
I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit. “Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."