Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Bears do not eat bears. Tigers do not eat tigers. Dogs do not eat dogs. Cats stopped eating kebabs.
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" " The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg." "Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?" "Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
What does a frog say when it sees something' great? Toadly awesome!
How to catch a polar bear: Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.