Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Two Bear Hunters Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he cant hear you.
Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay? A: In the bridle suite.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."